Wednesday, October 23, 2019

Offering Honesty

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It is not always easy to tell the truth. Sometimes we speak the truth and it hurts others.  Sometimes we don't know what the truth is.  Here are some notes from a conversation with David Slight, Berry Zimmerman, Morgain Harris, Susan Stringer, Kevin McCrea and Larry Gales on the subject of offering (and receiving) honesty.

The benefits of Lying

  • Sugar coating
  • Deceit
Goal to change minds
People have to be ready to hear what you tell them if you're honest
Berry, "Gifts are only valuable as a perception of the receiver."
Give them what they want
Communications is a push strategy typically
Giver and receiver
"How" people hear it
David had an example of fire marshals in buildings:
  • Communicate as if people have no choice
  • Authority position
What's the difference between honest and direct?
  • You can be directly dishonest
    • Bold lie
Are you intending dishonesty? Are you scheming? Are you ill-intended?
Unplanned dishonesty - need to lie and fake your way out of a hard spot
Intent and intention, outcome
People who sell stuff they don't believe in. Fake benefits, half-truths.
Sounds good vs. is good?
  • Vision vs. Reality - is that the rub?
  • Skeptics
When words and actions aren't aligned?
Are they delusional or are they lying?
Narcissists? Lack of self-awareness and capability in the moment...
Yes vs. No
We questions yes but no by default?
Off vs. On
Let's be clear
"It's that whole thing of boundaries" (and expectations setting)
No is harsh, hard and bad.
Teamsters have been bread to say no.
  • The relationship between management and unions
Landlady would always so no. Great boundary setting.
Leverage and power
Overly bureaucratic and rule-bound
Putting the "fear of god" into everyone - speaking with emotion and perhaps not honesty
Representing others by not yourself or your feelings honestly.
Good cop, bad cop
Boundaries and expectations
Value and Values
Strength and Weakness/Power BATNA
Who judges, observes and sets rules? What's right...reality...
Subjective vs. Objective realities
Both parties are aware of their positions and interests
Positions and views
Conversation about friction-less marketplaces with Bill Gates and David Slight
Arguments vs. Discussions vs. Conversations vs. Agreements
Is there a perfect truth?
Truth is relative? What is is?
The bible is full of truths but not facts
Data, Information, Wisdom, Knowledge
Subjectivity and trust really drive a big part of this
Facts: David spoke, Susan spoke, the computer is in front of me, Kevin laughed, my bill was delivered
Is it trust or is it "going along with it" in the moment (getting along and going along)...?
  • In yourself
  • Others
Yelling, voicing, civility
Lack of trust in institutions
  • Part of Steve Bannon's playbook
Susan talked about Michael Moore on healthcare
  • Canadians buying supplemental healthcare to visit the USA like we used to do that to go to Mexico.
  • Have Michelle Obama run